Enhancing Design Outcomes: Mastering the Art of Negotiation for Greater Impact

Shell Zhu at UXDX Community: Negotiation Mastery for Design Impact & Collaborative UX Research. Video: https://youtu.be/k4ZNygMpi3E

Readable transcript: edited from the recording's captions for readability (fillers and false starts removed, punctuation and section headings added). Wording is the speaker's own. Timestamps are positions in the video. Names marked [?] could not be verified against the audio.

Why negotiation matters for designers

[00:00:00] I would say I spent probably six to seven years from the beginning of my career working designing for consumer product, and the past 10 years I have been working for enterprise software, so I sort of see the ups and downs and the good and the bad of both worlds.

[00:00:16] Last night I told my daughter that I'm going to give a talk on negotiation, and so she asked me what is negotiation. I said it's a way how you get others to go with your suggestions, like when you were told that you can only have one piece of candy and you try to get me to agree that you can instead have two. She immediately said that's not so nice, you can't always get what you wanted. I think her reaction shows how most of us think of negotiation.

[00:00:45] That's why today I'm having this talk, trying to have us reflect on how we negotiate, how we can leverage the skills to drive better design and UX outcomes. At the same time I want us to take a different look at negotiation and start feeling that we're more confident and have more interest towards it. You can also post yes in the chat if you feel uncomfortable about negotiation. This is a safe place and I guarantee you, you're not alone. A lot of us naturally try to avoid it. We think of negotiation as manipulative, confrontational and certainly very stressful.

[00:01:26] What I will cover today is a self-developed negotiation framework to help us look at it from a different light. I want us to start thinking about how to learn the skills in order to leverage them to drive better outcomes. So let's get started.

Haggling in the market in China

[00:01:44] Just a little bit of background about myself. I grew up in a small village in China. My childhood is full of memories of my mom and my grandma haggling with the street vendors in the market in order to make their ends meet and also support my family with a very limited budget. While most of the time this attempt for price negotiation ended up being a failure, there were a few brilliant moments that made a deep memory in my mind.

[00:02:13] I particularly remember one late afternoon on the Chinese New Year Eve. My mom and I were looking for mushrooms in the open market. It's raining and cold outside, and noticing that the vendor only had a very small amount of mushroom left, my mom suggested that she could take all of them, but at a lower price. What she said is: look, it's so cold and raining here, with a lower price I can afford to get all of them and we can help you to get home earlier.

[00:02:46] I think the vendor must have really liked the idea that he can get back to his family early on that rainy evening, so in the end my mom walked away with the desired price.

[00:03:00] What happened at the open market really made me realize that negotiation doesn't have to be contentious or compromising. It gives us the opportunity to understand the other party's, other people's true motivations and their needs, and when we uncover that we can think of better solutions that might be more mutually benefiting.

Everything designers do is negotiation

[00:03:23] As UX designers, I know we're all user obsessed. We serve as strong advocates for our users. The willingness to share ideas, gain buy-in and manage conflicting opinions in order to move our projects forward, those are all forms of negotiation. Think about it: when we present our design to stakeholders trying to secure buy-in, that is negotiation. We work closely with our product manager, project manager, developers, marketing, compliance and many more in order to align their different perspectives, that is negotiation.

[00:04:00] And when we're navigating conflicting opinions and trying to drive the discussion towards more constructive solutions, that is negotiation. And when we ask our executive to prioritize this project, allocate more resources for me to support this project, that is also negotiation. Truth to be told, I think a big part of design work is a work of persuasion and influence. Even if we don't have the necessary authority, we have to influence others' decisions. And if we can't negotiate effectively, we can't be strong advocates for our users and we can't even impact how the experience of the product looks like, how the software experience looks like.

[00:04:43] Before I joined Google I served as a design principal at IBM. At the time I was leading an integration effort across 20 plus products in order to move everybody onto a common service platform. So my day-to-day naturally involved a lot of interaction with stakeholders and senior executives across teams, and this made me start thinking about how can we use better communication and negotiation skills in order to influence their decisions and increase design impact.

[00:05:14] While I understand there's a lot of negotiation tips out there, sometimes I find it's really hard to use them effectively when we have a situation. Either we forgot what we should have done, or it's really difficult to find this one little tip that we think can help at that moment with that particular situation. So that made me think we need something a little bit more simplistic and also nice enough for us to remember, and also something that can help us construct our conversation a little bit more intentionally so we can actually hit the ground running. Most important part, it shouldn't be a burden for us to remember every single time when we're in a situation, but something very natural and very simplistic for us just to carry with us.

L is for listen

[00:06:06] So this self-developed framework, I call it LAPS. Now I'm going to go over each element quickly with you.

[00:06:15] The first element in the LAPS framework is L, which stands for listen. I'm sure we all think we listen. But think about yesterday or today when you were in a meeting that you had to speak up. Reflect on whether you were secretly preparing your answers in your head while the other person was still talking. Was that you, or did that happen to you at certain times when you were in the meeting? Think about that for a moment.

[00:06:46] I think the biggest communication problem today is that we do not listen to understand, we listen to reply. A lot of times it's really hard for us to fully focus on what the other party is saying. We're trying to formulate what's our answer in our head.

[00:07:04] I have a question for everyone here. How many thoughts do you think can go through a person's mind per minute? A is one to 10 thoughts, B 10 to 30, and C 30 to 50. You can type in your answers in the chat if you have the chat window available to you, whether you think it's A one to 10, B 10 to 30 or C 30 to 50.

[00:07:32] This answer can vary widely depending on the individual, their mental state, the context and other factors. But it's estimated that on average the human mind can generate anywhere from 2,000 to 3,500 thoughts per hour, which will translate roughly to 33 to 58 thoughts per minute. Think about these numbers: 33 to 58 thoughts per minute. That's why it's easy to understand the importance of listening but it's very hard for us to practice. At any moment, think about it, in our head there's 30 to 50 thoughts flying through your head. No wonder we can't focus, we can't pay close attention to what other people have been saying.

The mirror technique

[00:08:19] Here I want to introduce one of my favorite negotiation books. It's written by Chris Voss, Never Split the Difference. Voss was at the forefront of FBI hostage negotiation, so there were a lot of stakes, including people's lives, when he was negotiating.

[00:08:37] Now let's think a little bit more about this book title, Never Split the Difference. Negotiation is not about meeting halfway or compromising. Instead the book focuses on understanding the other side's true needs and motivations. It encourages us to think outside the box, explore a few more solutions that might be more optimal. One of the important aspects of understanding the other party's needs is through active listening. So in order for us to understand the underlying message, the context, what has been said and what hasn't, Voss introduced a very interesting technique called mirror that can help us listen better and discover more information.

[00:09:22] So how does this mirror technique work? When the other party makes a statement, we pay close attention to their words and tones. This will show that we're genuinely interested in what they're saying and also sets a foundation for our communication. Then you simply reflect back, repeat the last few words that have been said, and make sure when you repeat those words you use upward inflection. This will make our mirrored response an open-ended question.

[00:09:53] So I have an example here. If someone says we have to narrow the scope of the design, you might respond with a mirror by saying: the scope of the design? Remember that upward inflection in order to make your statement a question.

[00:10:10] Here I have three examples. These are some of the typical conversations you may find yourself having with a technical partner, an engineer. Sometimes we may find it challenging to effectively collect information from our technical partners because we're intimidated by that technical lingo and we don't fully understand it all. Sometimes we just simply have trouble formulating what's the right question. So when that happens to you, simply repeating back some of those keywords, we can show our curiosity. I tried it many times and it's hard to believe how such a simple way to ask questions can encourage people to elaborate.

[00:10:53] A few more examples here. This is to show a typical conversation you may have with a product manager. You can see here in all the three scenarios I'm listing, the person simply reflects and repeats back the last few words that have just been said. I'll give a few seconds, you can read through a couple of them in your head, and when you finish reading them think about how you feel about it when you're repeating back those words.

[00:11:33] I don't know about some of you, but when I first tried those examples and that technique it felt a bit awkward to me, because I felt I was just simply repeating back a few words of what the other person had just said. It just feels not very natural in the conversation. You may also feel that way when you're trying to rehearse those answers in your head. But I guarantee you, although those feel awkward in a conversation, they really work. Because this repetition first will acknowledge the other person's viewpoints. By repeating what they have said, you show your partner that you really understand what they're saying, you paid close attention to what has been said, and it also shows your anticipation for them to speak further.

The power of silence

[00:12:21] One important aspect here is to make sure you're comfortable giving the other person time to reflect and gather their thoughts, and not be intimidated by the silence after you're repeating back those words and anticipating a further answer. This is one of the challenges I'm also trying to overcome myself: try not to speak too quickly, to interrupt the other person. Because sometimes we forget silence can be a powerful tool in communication.

[00:12:51] First, when there's a silence, we human beings generally feel very uncomfortable with those prolonged periods of silence, and this discomfort often will help make the other party break the silence by speaking, even if it's just to fill the void. And second, silence can also give us a chance to really reflect on what has been said. This can lead to more thoughtful and intentional communication. And thirdly, when one party remains silent it shows the other party that we're willing to listen and give them space to express themselves, and this will encourage them to open up more.

[00:13:36] Most importantly, it also invites elaboration. Especially when you're only being provided a partial answer, or this person has left out important details, your silence can make them reflect on whether they communicated their message effectively, and this will drive them to elaborate further. So please don't be afraid of silence in your conversation. If we can skillfully incorporate pauses and silence into a conversation, it will actually allow for better understanding, you will encourage the other person to disclose more information, and sometimes silence can even help you reset the pace of your discussion.

A is for acknowledge

[00:14:18] Now let's move on to the second element of the LAPS framework. It's acknowledge. We need to show that we truly understand people's point of view.

[00:14:30] In the book How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie talks about the importance of recognizing others' viewpoints. People are more likely to be persuaded by someone who they feel truly understands them.

[00:14:45] As human beings we all have many, many emotions, such as happiness, sadness, anger, fear, surprise, love, all of those. In reality emotions can be very complex and diverse, with many more nuanced variations and blends.

[00:15:06] I don't know if any of you here have read Brené Brown's book Atlas of the Heart. This book explores the wide range of emotions and helps us better understand them and navigate through those feelings. While this book beautifully captures the depth and variety of human emotions, it also shows us how complex and interconnected some of those feelings can be. Just in her book, Brené Brown categorized about 87 emotions.

[00:15:38] There are so many differences and nuances in all the emotions. So how can we better show that we understand people's feelings? One particular way to validate people's emotion and make them feel that we truly understand them is to label them. This involves attaching a label to the emotion. You can verbalize what you believe the other person is feeling or thinking, such as: it seems that you feel a certain way about one subject. So for example you can say: it seems that you feel concerned about the timeline for implementation.

[00:16:16] You may also wonder, so what if I use the wrong word to describe this person's feeling? We already said as human beings we can have very complex emotions, so what if I label them wrong? When you don't accurately label what you perceive the other person's feeling to be, chances are the other party will open up and correct you. In fact, this labeling statement can be actually very effective when you're dealing with a very difficult situation, whether it's silent treatment or defensiveness.

[00:16:52] By labeling the other party's feelings it actually helps reduce their defensiveness. You're showing that you're not trying to attack their position. Instead you try to show that you're trying to understand their perspective, their emotions, before you move on. So your labeling statement gives people a chance to clarify their stance, which can also lead to a more open discussion.

[00:17:21] So what I want everybody to remember is: people want to be understood. The more the other side wants to clarify, the more it will guide us to think of a solution.

P is for personalize

[00:17:32] Okay, now let's move to the third element of LAPS, which is P, and it stands for personalize.

[00:17:40] Here I have another question that you can think of. What would you bring as bait when you go fishing? You can type in your answers in the comments. Just simply think about whether you want to bring worms or food you love.

[00:17:56] Even though some of us may not be fishing experts, I think we all know that we need a great bait that fish love in order for us to be successful with our fishing activity. So this is about tailoring our approach and communication to match the specific preferences, needs and interests of the individual we're communicating with.

[00:18:16] When Robert Cialdini outlines the principles of influencing people, one of the concepts is framing. By framing a message in a particular way we can shape how people perceive it and their attitudes and decisions.

[00:18:31] As designers we all know we have been spending years trying to get a seat at the table. But if we can't translate some of the customer or user advocacy into business interests, we will fail to influence decisions even now we're at the table. So next time we're showing our design, showing our concept and ideas, let's not forget to frame our experience in the light of how this can help improve customer satisfaction, engagement, how to increase the conversion rate, how our proposal can reduce costs and ultimately generate higher revenue. And when we're framing our design in that light, chances are the business is going to be more interested and will have more buy-in to support our ideas.

[00:19:17] Similarly, when we're talking to our engineers and technical partners, we also need to translate our UX improvements into those metrics of data that are more appealing to engineers. Here I have some examples of how we can frame some of those aspects in order to make sure that we can show how our design can align with the engineers' perspective.

[00:19:48] Excuse me, sorry. Here the first aspect you can think of is how you can minimize technical debt. Show how your proposed design can reduce the accumulation of technical debt over time and avoid future potential code challenges.

[00:20:07] You can also show the efficiency gains. Explain how your design can optimize interaction, reducing the need for complex workarounds and potentially enhancing the overall efficiency of the application or streamlining the development process.

[00:20:24] You can demonstrate some of the performance impact. Illustrate how your proposal can lead to improved performance metrics such as faster loading time, lower latency or smoother interaction. And you can even emphasize how some of your solutions can leverage existing patterns, make sure the implementation is standardized and reduce the need for customized solutions. All these aspects are going to be very appealing for your technical partners in order for them to support your design ideas.

S is for synergize

[00:20:59] So now we've covered three elements of LAPS. The last element here is for synergize. This is combining different elements, resources and individuals in order to produce an effect that is bigger than individual efforts.

[00:21:19] There are a lot of times we feel that we have to come to a solution ourselves, but I think we often forget that when we collaborate with others the combined whole can be more powerful and impactful than the individual efforts, the individual parts. So simply put, let's invite others to solve the problem together with us, and when people work synergistically we can achieve outcomes that are more innovative.

[00:21:48] In this book when Stephen Covey talks about highly effective people, he also emphasizes the principle of synergy as one of the key habits, because people are more likely to embrace an idea if they believe it originated from them.

[00:22:04] In fact, co-creating or co-solving a problem with others can have many layers of benefits. First it will help us to engage others. It encourages the other party to actively be part of the problem solving process and makes them think critically and offer their insights.

[00:22:23] It also helps you build a positive relationship with others, because it shows your respect for their perspective. It can also help us to overcome some resistance, because when we actively involve the other party in finding a solution it can also help us to overcome that defensiveness, make the other party feel they're less pressured or coerced into a situation.

[00:22:51] Apologies, I have a little cough the past couple of days. The most important last part of the benefits I want to talk about with synergy is really that the process of jointly addressing a situation can also lead to discovery of shared goals and interests, and this common ground can facilitate agreements in the end for you. And since the other party has already been involved in the problem solving process, you give them a sense of ownership, so naturally creating the buy-in of the final solutions.

Starting with small commitments

[00:23:24] So how do we invite people to synergize together with us? Sometimes you may find it's challenging to get the other party involved. One of the theories we can leverage is in Robert Cialdini's book, it's about commitment and consistency. People want to be consistent with their own choices and actions. So we can start by asking for small, voluntary and incremental commitments from the other party that may align with our goal, and once they're committed they're more likely to follow through.

[00:23:53] This is in order for them to remain consistent with their own choices, and the smaller steps can create a progression that leads to a larger commitment. So next time, when somebody has an idea or you want to propose something to someone, you can advocate and ask people to be part of it, but start with something small. You can ask: could you set up a quick time to brainstorm? Or can I get your viewpoints on XYZ? Or can you spend five minutes taking a look at my design? So you will see it's not so challenging to get people to start coming to those small engagements with you, and eventually that will get them more involved in your final proposal.

Key takeaways

[00:24:38] Okay, I think we've covered all four elements of LAPS. So a few key takeaways here. If we look at our own career progress and projection, influence is one of the main aspects that we're being evaluated for in many companies. If we want to be better designers we need to be better influencers and negotiators. And negotiation is not about compromising or winning at all cost.

[00:25:07] All those four aspects in this LAPS framework are about genuine empathy and understanding. This is the foundation. It's more about inviting open communication, building trust and understanding the other party's deep needs, so we can explore more options towards a better outcome for both sides.

[00:25:27] What I shared today is a simple framework that I hope can equip us with confidence and help us hit the ground running. You can try to use it at your next meeting, next conversation, and I guarantee you the more we practice the more comfortable we will be. So with that, let's all learn LAPS and be great influencers.